It’s official: I’m happier than you.

I learned from The Today Show this morning that I am happier than you. That is, if you have kids. Because I don’t.

This Newsweek article says the same thing. Recent studies show that people who don’t have kids are 7% happier than people who do. I must admit I was happy to read this. So now I may be, like, 8% happier than you (if you have kids).

I wasn’t trying to be happier than you. It certainly wasn’t my goal in choosing not to have children — I just never felt that motherly yearning for a baby. I bet you didn’t even know I was happier than you (if you have kids). You may have thought, quite understandably, that I couldn’t be completely happy until I had a child. I myself have wondered this very thing from time to time.

But, as it turns out, even though I may not be completely happy, I am happier than you (if you have kids). Sorry about that.

If it’s any consolation, according to the studies you do (if you have kids) feel a greater sense of purpose in life than I (who does not). I’ll give you that. I struggle to ascertain just what my life’s purpose is and how I can make a difference. I want to do something. To be something. Other than be happy, of course, because, you know, I’ve got that covered.