Is it just me, or is it becoming nearly impossible to coordinate schedules for a gathering of more than two people?
A while back, I was trying to coordinate a get-together for seven of us. Beth likes to gather at night — she officially does not do weekend breakfast or lunch, so she can sleep in and then go to the gym. But Jennifer can’t stay out late; she goes to bed by 9 p.m. Laurie would also prefer not to meet on weekend nights, since that’s her time with her husband, and weeknights don’t work for her because she has four kids. She could make an afternoon coffee on a weekend that’s light on soccer games. But depending on which weekend, Megan may not be able to come since she and her ex rotate custody of their girls. And Traci is often out of town for her event planning biz, so the odds that she’s in town when Megan is childless and Laurie has no soccer games are slim to none.
Needless to say, all seven of us don’t get together any more. It’s just too hard.
Every “Let’s get together!” is followed by the requisite email-go-round of “what about” and “sorry, doesn’t work.” Sure, there’s always one friend who answers, “Anything is fine, just let me know where and when.” But though her email appears to be helpful and easy-going, in reality she’s gleefully laughing, knowing that she has just escaped the Chinese water torture the rest of us are enduring.
Then there is the friend who says “anywhere is fine with me” but doesn’t really mean it. This happened just the other night. Friend A instructed Friend B and I to pick the place. We did and she responded with “I know I said I didn’t care but…”
Worse are the non-specific helpers. “Someplace in Cranberry would work best for me,” Friend 1 says. Fine, but you know Cranberry just as well as the rest of us, how about tossing out a restaurant name? So I offer up three ideas for her to choose from. Friend 2 pops in with an additional three suggestions (I guess she didn’t like mine). But does Friend 1 select one of the 6? No. She emails “any of those sound fine.” So I write back and say if neither of them have a preference, let’s go to the burger place. Later, Friend 2 confesses she’d been hoping we’d go to the new place that was on her list of suggestions. Well, why didn’t you just say so?
Don’t get me wrong, I have my share of scheduling conflicts (I’ve been trying to set a lunch with my friend Susan since January and I’ve been the one to reschedule twice). I just find it sadly ridiculous that when a group of friends open our calendars to schedule a meal, we’re flipping two-to-three months out. (And a trip? Forget it! We’re looking at six to nine months out and still no dates work!) Between previous commitments and personal preference, it’s a wonder the bonds of friendship can remain in tact.
The only saving grace is spontaneity. Yes, it sounds impossible, but spontaneity is our friend. Just this past Saturday a friend threw out an email to three of us announcing that her previous plans had fallen through and since she still had a sitter, were any of us available? Unbelievably, two of us emailed back that we were. Her response echoed with all of us: “Sweet mother of God. It’s a miracle!”
